No, by no means is it normal practice for an insurance company to ask a policyholder to wait to add a driver until they have been in an accident. In many cases, if a licensed household driver has not previously been reported to the insurance carrier and properly placed on the policy then their claim could be denied.
Most insurance companies require policyholders to inform them of all licensed drivers in the household and have them listed on the policy. If a person is licensed but not listed on the policy or you have not notified the insurance company of the license status of all household members then this could be considered misrepresentation, a form of fraud.
Also in some states if your licensed child was not placed on your insurance policy and had an accident your insurance company may accept the claim for their collision but you would need to pay the premiums that should have been paid to the insurer since the person was licensed and should have been placed on the policy.
It appears you may reside in Rochester, NY. If so according to the New York State Insurance Department, an insurer is permitted to consider all resident operators of an insured vehicle in rating of an auto insurance policy. This includes your child, even if he or she has only a learner's permit.
Insurance companies in NYS are permitted to use classifications that reflect a possible exposure for liability on the part of the insurer, in the event that bodily injury or property damage occurs due to that child's operation of the vehicle.
There is a limited use classification that reflects a reduced likelihood of an incident by a youthful driver due to being an occasional operator and it is rated lower than if that person were the principal operator.
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